Wild Wadi All I Ever Wanted

Yesterday was my one-month monthiversary in the UAE, and the celebration destination was Wild Wadi, a water park in Dubai. I consider myself a lifelong fan of water slides - preferring them by far over dry amusement park rides - but in truth I haven't been to one since I could legally drive.

After yesterday's trip, it will not be another decade before I return. In fact, if I ever get any visitors from the US, a day at Wild Wadi is almost guaranteed. Not only are water slides still great, they've gotten even better since my youth. Going in, Leslie, Sandra (her visiting friend) and I were half-expecting a fun-because-it's-pathetic experience. We thought we'd be laughing at Wild Wadi, not with it. Nope, it was pure fun.

Highlights included the 20-minute water slide where you guy up hill as well as down and the fish pedi pond, where you stick legs in a bowl and swarms of little one-inch garra rufa fish eat the dead skin off your feet. I was official photographer for that experience, but it looked like quite a unique sensation. Leslie and Sandra stuck it out for like 20 minutes, so I guess they came around after initially being freaked out. One lady customer had a far higher tally of fish gnawing on her feet than everyone else, to the point where you couldn't see them anymore - only little fish. I guess she had the sorriest foot care. Also, I'm glad I didn't get to see where I ranked.

But the true highlight of the day for me - and one of my favorite moments so far since moving here - came on the day's first slide, which was called Tantrum Alley. There's a good chance whoever named it didn't know exactly what "tantrum" means and probably wanted something more along the lines of American-style-hyperbole monikers like "cyclone" or "screamer." There was no crying, but there was substantial screaming in a variety of languages.

It's going to be difficult for me to describe this to differentiate from other water slide rides, but it involves 2-4 people on a large clover-shaped inner tube descending down about four stomach-dropping slopes that, at the bottom of each one, send you high up the sides like a half-pipe. Here's a video of randoms going down it, but I strongly believe their ride was lot more tame than mine.

Profoundly impacting the experience, I didn't get to ride this one with the girls, due to the need to stick the cameras in a locker (thus, no personal pictures) and the level at which "holding spots" is apparently frowned upon in The Middle East. So instead, I rode with three Arab high-school age boys, two of whom had eaten too much Texas Chicken or Hardees.

This situation developed very quickly - at the top of the line I had no idea that I couldn't ride solo. Within 15 seconds, I went from thinking I was going alone, to being herded into a spot next to the teenagers (all our feet touching each others', a little weird), to speeding down the first drop. Between myself and the two girthy kids, we made the ride extra exciting and dangerous. Each time we went down a slope and then up the side, it would look like either the jovial, long-haired chubby one was going to fall on me, or vice versa. I have to think that ride has caused some injuries in its day, and I especially imagine they shouldn't be allowing as much weight as we had on one tube.

In any case, it was damn fun, despite the small miracle we didn't have any casualties. Our tube definitely was airborne and threatening to capsize a few times - with the lads all yelling in Arabic while I screamed "Holy Shit!" and tried to remember what I had heard about tort law in UAE. Too bad there aren't any physical pictures, but I think some of the mental images from that ride are in my head for a good while.

I like to think my happy little Arab buddies feel the same way, and that somewhere on the internet they're writing to friends about their crazy water adventure with a giant white dude.